Joseph Campbell kept me awake last night. He was rummaging around for hours, grabbing at ideas, reactions, hopes, and visions in my brain.
He has quite a few good quotes here:
This one gets no argument from me. I know I need to let go of the picket fence/nuclear family around the Christmas tree/Dad in the house etc. dream for my kids. This quote is not new-news.
So if I believe it, why is it so hard? Where is the recipe? The mantra for acceptance? Why aren’t there 10 easy steps to accomplish the purge to make space for my lovely life with my 2 excellent kids, fun ski trips on weekends with friends, career in my favorite field of science, and lovely friendships with amazing women? I wanted all of that too when I was 17 and planning my life out.
That was the 3 am issue- sad greiving, angst, and whimpering that I have not purged old dreams and therefore I am often unavailable for today’s gifts.
If you are looking for answers for how to purge, I have none. All I have is hope and wish and prayer.
I have a big God and therefore only small problems, right?! I said that a few blogs ago. It is really annoying to write blogs that I don’t learn from… https://3leggedtable.wordpress.com/2010/05/16/now-is-totally-awesome-be-here/
I wrote about this blog back in May, and I am ready to be here and now to enjoy what is here and give up the old notions of what my life was “supposed to be like”. God, if you could help me learn a little quicker, that would be great!
I want so much more than a promise from the Bible at 3 am (in bed alone wondering what the Hell I am up to) at 5 pm (after school pickup with kids and their awesome accomplishments that I want to tell their Dad about), and at 8:30 pm (at bedtime when I am so exhausted I cannot see straight and need an ear and a hug to keep on going).
God, help me now to enjoy today, this lovely space of gifts for my kids and I. Help me to drop the illusions and outdated dreams. Give me guidance towards joy and gratitude today.
The resolve: One day at a time I can do this prayer, every morning or every hour. Life is more than good right now.