Posted by I really need to figure this out… Please send me tips. I have 2 very talkative, animated teenagers, who want to lay on my bed and chat away, and tell me everything they are wondering about, and ask permission for things that require long discussions. It would be positively lovely, and I would be in total heaven, if it didn’t put me in utter HELL.
I know listening to our teenagers is the most important parenting job at this time in their lives. My time with them in the house is dwindling down; I do, really do, want to know what is going on in their lives and want to ask the right questions of them. And they don’t talk much in the mornings, when my engines are totally fired up and turned onto high velocity.
Nope. Their little switch flips On about 18 minutes after mine has switched Off.
They seem to especially want to talk to me after 9 pm. They have a lot to say, and they can’t wait to tell me more. At 10:47 pm. I am cross-eyed with fatigue, I don’t know what they are talking about, and barely recognize their faces, much less comprehend what they are saying or have any rational answers.
It is the most horrible agony, to have a teenager ready and wanting to spill her soul to me, to tell me aobut his latest friendship turmoil, and I can only think “Oh my God, how do I get these people away from me?”
Last night, I fell to begging them “PLEASE, just go to bed. I cannot talk any longer to you.” He had been in the middle of a long explanation of why he needed to get his ears pierced today. It had to be TODAY. He had his earrings picked out, the place to do it, and all I had to do was agree (and cough up the funding). She was talking about her vision of new friendships in middle school, and how some girls did this, and others did that.
These are important topics. I could not care less. It was after 9 pm.
I can’t wait for school to start, I don’t care about their learning and growing there. I just want them to be as tired as me!
3-Legged Table: Reframing Our Beautiful Chaos 
Email. 🙂 Or text if that will work, and then they would have to keep it shorter. Although, I have heard that there is a texting language and from what I have seen, I would have no idea what was being said.
So, Email or text, in real English.
Yes, you really CAN have a discussion with your kids, all the while helping their grammar and spelling !
I’ve done this with decent success. Another thing that works is online chatting, even when we’re all in the in the same house. Don’t ask me why- they think it’s fun- and it gets them to get to the point, all while learning how to type.
I love my kids, but I don’t have that much brain power. 😆
PS, SD, we know you’re not a moron. 😀
Thanks TikkTok! I started texting both of them more often, AND sending them encouraging texts too. Of course the 15-year old does not respond to my encouraging texts, but he let me know (quietly, under his breath) that it was cool the morning I sent him a text and called him a Rockstar even though Algebra 2 is really really hard these days.
I’d say tell them to go to bed and that’s it, end of discussion. But then I’d also say be happy that they do talk to you! Better this than total silence and cutting you out of their lives…
I am cutting them off at 10 pm. And, trying to get them to talk at other times of the day a little more. He is talking when we drive around alone. She is talking when I am home working from home after school gets out, and during breakfast, and during dinner, and while we all 3 drive around, and and and.
There are no good solutions except to remember that in a few short years they will be off in college or somewhere else and you’ll treasure the memories of those sleepy evenings when you found that …
… Sam’s friend Donna got pregnant, except not really, she just told everyone she was, and it was like soooo stupid, but everyone really thought she was and so I said *I* was too, except they thought I meant pregnant not stupid so now I have to see the counselor and….and this….and that…and all is lost….and blah…and yada…and then I met Jim and he’s like such a hunk…and more…and even more…so now all is wonderful…and this…and that…and so I what should do about the thing? What do you mean, “What thing?”! What have we been talking about??? I mean, duh…
But seriously…sometimes I just have to curtail the conversations with my girls. I help myself a little by having the conversations in *their* rooms, not mine. But bedtime is bedtime on a school night, or a work night for me if they’re off school, and so when I leave, the conversation is over. At least, until the weeping starts and I have to go back in… 😦
If I have the conversation in their rooms, I zonk immediately and wake up 3 hours later, all cramped up, and wide awake. I just need to be tougher and stay awake until 10 pm and then shut ‘er down consistently.
Lol, SD. That is EXAcTLY right. And throw in “when are we going shoe shopping? I need new shoes sooooo bad”, “and then guess what, the police wrestled the guy to the ground”, and Mom, I don’t know where that permission slip went. Do YOU have it?”, “oh yeah, and I forgot what our summer reading assignment is, so I am winging it. You don’t care, do you?”
LOL…you’ve been listening in to mine apparently! I even got one of mine to write up a shopping list for shoes so I could keep track of the ones she absolutely HAD to have or Life Will End… 🙂
…….How about a 30 minute power nap when you get home from the office to recharge your batteries.
I will try that next, 15 minutes is all I can do, as theyusually have their heads stuck in the fridge pretty quickly. You get up super early too, how do you last thru the talk?
It’s hard…believe me I’ve done as much shooing away as you, I’m sure, the face plant into the pillow followed by fake snoring occasionally works. I do try to initiate the conversation earlier in the evening…sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t….And you are so right about morning time…That never works……Monster Espressos have been known to help.
Great idea, I will give my tall munchkins Monster Espressos at 6 am tomorrow, to try to jolt them onto my schedule. Lol (just kidding, it is the 1st day of school; things will improve)
I so feel your pain!…mine do the same thing. Like clock work into the bedroom at 9:30, first one then the other. My 16 year-old stated school this week and he actually cut things off at around 10 so relief is on the way. I know it’s painful at times but I think they are craving your advise / input and reasurance, a sure sign that they are well adjusted, great kids who really love their mom and being around her. I remind myself that bedroom talk with my boys are fleeting moments in our lives and in the not to distant future I’ll wish they were around to talk about stuff and what is going on in there lives.
Yep! “Like clockwork” lol. I am trying to gut it out and at the least, look at them while they are talking, even if I cannot comprehend anything…
You are the mom, yell at them to go to bed. I that doesn’t work, try earplugs and locking the bedroom door.
So far, that is what happens, I just force them away and into their own beds. The problem is, there is crucial time and information I am cutting myself off from. And I am discouraging more sharing.
Hi Anne,
Regarding this comment, as so many people have told me over the last few months, you simply can’t do it all. You’re one person and some things will slip. I know I have to let some things go. For you, this may be one of those thing.
They’re not as fragile as we think they are and will find the time to talk to you about the important stuff anyyway. If not, you’ll have to find space for the new dog/bunny/baby that they were telling you about while you were drifting off.. 🙂
(WordPress definitely needs to give me the option to edit my comments in the first 5 minutes after I enter them. I too often make silly typos that must make people think I am an uneducated moron. *sigh*
And now I forgot the closing parenthesis on my parenthetical comment. All is lost!
Maybe, just maybe, we ALL need to be reminded that perfection is not expected of us? Lol. You are hilarious, thanks for visiting and chatting : )
Yes, I was just reminding myself this morning that perfection is not expected by anyone but me. (I got super angry with son last night and yelled and let slip some regrettable cuss words). I think I was tired – geeeeez, could we need more sleep, not less?!? I know you are right abt letting some things go, I just know these conversations are special, as they don’t happen at other times of the day. Thanks SD.