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Five amazing days… We beached, we ate seafood, we napped, I ran on the beach, we golfed, we laughed, we played cards, we watched movies. Seven days later… My parents are now driving me crazy. Another thing they say in Alanon: When you meet 2 assholes in 1 day, the third one is usually you. Hmmm. Does that count when they are married and they are your parents? Becasue it seems like that would be a loophole of some sort??
It seems that no matter how long the vacation is, my son and I end up looking at each other on the way home and saying “We stayed one day too long AGAIN, damn it!”. It was a lovely vacation for 5 days, then day 6 started, and they turned into extremely irritated people. My kids and I couldn’t do anything right. We were slow, we didn’t eat on time, I didn’t drink enough wine with them, we watched too much TV, she was too good at Hearts, and he didn’t unload the suitcases from the back of the car quickly enough. There was no winning. Or- maybe I was finally on their last nerve, running every day during coffee time, leaving their house to go to the beach every day, and not doing… something…they… expected…I…should…so?
My Dad was a jerk to my son at the airport curb-first son didn’t get out of car fast enough, then didn’t unload suitcases from the car quickly enough, and then finally scratched the bumper of the car while unloading suitcases. My son heard and saw his grandfather’s disappointment about all 3 of those errors- my Dad was loud, angry, and belittling. Dillon’s sister, meanshile, could do no wrong all week in her Granfather’s eyes. I wanted to say “It is one thing to be an asshole to me, but don’t be an ass to my kid”. I didn’t say it. I hugged my son and walked away from the old man who is doing the best he can with what he has (likely some weird issue about aging and feels threatened by a 15-yr old who has no income, no status, and no choice but to listen to the fury). I called them later and thanked them for their patience with us this morning and for the wonderful vacation at their home. I don’t know how that is going to feel tonight.
3-Legged Table: Reframing Our Beautiful Chaos 
I don’t put up with it, personally. Granted, my parents never stay with us and are only here for a few days, but that’s about right. I absolutely will not tolerate ANYONE messing with my kids.
I’d make it shorter next time, if there is one.
Wellll, I didn’t end up staying graceful and sweet and kind. I got all fired up and sent an email requesting a US mail apology. I requested it not be defensive or accusatory. I got a letter back, and it took me a week to open it, becasue I was sure it would say I am out of the will and shame on me for being such a pain in the neck daughter. But it was exactly what I requested! A totally lovely apology!! So- I set a boundary and stuck to it, and by golly, it worked!
Yay for victory!!! Sometimes, you have to set boundaries. My inlaws have never felt that they “needed” to have rules, and as a result, we see them a few times a year, even though they literally live around the corner from us.
Some grandparents haven’t learned that they aren’t in charge anymore, and just can’t let go and be adults………….
Yes, it was a victory! You are right. I do resent having to train my parents AND my teenagers to respect boundaries, though…