Christmas is a fearful time for some. Birthdays and anniversaries are fearful for others. One day I realized that about the only holiday that didn’t have wreckage and memories I wanted to run from was Flag Day. The time-travel thing makes it hard to not fear the holiday coming up. We remember other holidays that went quite differently than this one will. And then we wonder how we can make it through. Time helps so much– getting one year under your belt away from the trauma/drama/divorce/loss can sometimes feel like a waiting game. So how do we get time between us and our trauma/drama/loss, and yet live in the present?
Many times, we have people depending on us figuring it out- those short people that live in our house, eat our food, and get rides to school every day from us depend on us figuring it out! That is what this blog is about- exploring ways that we can find the peace inside, the presence of mind to thoughtfully parent our children and live our lives, despite our lives not turning out how we expected.
Like in Alanon, where they tell you to try it for 6 weeks, and “take what you like, leave the rest” , I am asking us to just try these ideas out. Not all of them will work, but some might, and they might help us to live a little calmer, a little more peaceful, and a lot more joyfully as we continue on the voyage of single parenthood.
The next topic is fear of accepting. In order to cultivate being present habits, we could think about what we really fear, and how it steals peace of mind from us, slowly and stealthily, we build habits up to protect ourselves from what we fear. And that protection, those walls, keep us from our hearts. The walls we build in fear keep us from experiencing our lives fully.
Action Item: Write down or discuss with a friend what you are feeling fear about today. And notice the shape and size of that fear. Describe it, and then peel back what is under it. What do you fear under that? Like an onion, keep on peeling… and see what the kernal of fear is in the middle.
When you get to that kernal of fear, think about it, pray about it, write about it, and come back to it later. Then give yourself a hug and smile. You are very brave, and you can do this!!