Look Back with Love, Not Regret

Posted by

Maybe you think you didn’t try hard enough.

Or like me, you assume you chose poorly.

Or maybe you have decided that you lacked courage when it was most important.

Maybe you reacted (or like me, over-reacted) in anger or shame.

Maybe you weren’t patient enough to recognize a really good thing.

Or, like me, you are pretty sure you put up with waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much crap for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long.

When we let go of past relationships, it is important to put it to bed with love, respect, and empathy. We did not get to where we are, with all this present day conviction and courage, without some battle scars and mistakes in our wake.

Remember Sansa from the incredibly popular HBO show Game of Thrones, who lived through Hell that transformed her from a naïve, simple-minded girl to a wise Queen whose subjects adore her. We are becoming Queens in our own lives.

A present-day Queen, Oprah Winfrey, is worth an estimated $3.1 billion, according to Forbes. She is a well-respected actress, talk show host and philanthropist. Her mother was a teenage single mom in Mississippi. Early on, they had no electricity or running water. There may have been less than ideal circumstances, but they didn’t stop Oprah from accomplishing so much!

J.K. Rowling was a single mom who literally didn’t eat some days so that her daughter could eat. She did not let circumstances or regret take her out.  She became a world-renowned author, giving children and adults a magical world of characters that captivated for the last 10 years. She bravely believed in her self and her own gifts to the world.

It is so easy to focus on the lack, the burden, and the reasons we cannot keep moving forward. Right!? We have all been there. This past Thanksgiving, I went pretty low when I had no kids visiting, no family nearby, no extra cash to treat myself to a meal out, no friends due to pandemic, and my boyfriend was being a knucklehead of his own.  I spent 2 days really quite low until I realized I was holding on to a past relationship. I was not able to just “flip a switch” though. I had to really work it!

Let’s put past anguish behind us and let it go– the pain of loss and any poor behavior on anyone’s part. Wrap it up in a covering of empathy, tie a gorgeous bow of respect for that woman we used to be, who grew up so much, and add a little gift card of love to her. The pain is a gift for our future selves; a pathway to a brand new world—if we let it light our way without overtaking us.

We can be intentional about letting go of the past-whatever it held for us. We wouldn’t be who we are now without those experiences. Regret for our past mistakes, anger at others for their part, and guilt are not loving wrappers. It will all become a stink-bomb of rot growing bigger and worse with time. Are you ready to move forward?

Breakthrough Actions to do Today:

  1. Sit down and decide how you want to define yourself. Pick 3 new adjectives to live into (courageous, warm, compassionate, wise, gutsy, astute, etc.)
  2. Choose to let the old girl go. Write her a letter thanking her for living through Hell. Tell her how proud you are of her and her growth. Wrap her up with some good ole meditation and visualizations. Give her a good send-off!
  3. After the proper send-off, you will choose to live into the new woman with courage.
    1. Write your adjectives on paper
    1. Say your adjectives out loud (“I am courageous, warm, and compassionate today”)
    1. Send your new self an actual love letter in the mail, telling her how excited you are to be with her today.
Photo by VisionPic .net on Pexels.com

We got this!  I am so proud of you!



  1. Wonderful post! I love your action steps. I can get caught up in regrets, shame, guilt etc. so techniques, exercises, visualizations of love, forgiveness, compassion are always helpful. And yes, knowing that it all leads us to who we are now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s