I was feeling really crappy Friday night- On every level, my week had been a B-… At work my boss had voiced disappointment in a judgement call I made, the kids were gone for the weekend and I missed them sooo much already, no one was beating down my door to spend time with me, I had not called a friend going through a hard time with her daughter, AND payday was still a week away and grocery money was elusive. AND– I was in desperate need of a hair appointment to keep the gray hairs from becoming a reality in my fantasy life of being young and lithe. I don’t know which was worse, but I had not been a fantastic mom, worker, accountant, or friend that week. My dog was dying to spend time with me- that was the high (but a little annoying) point of the hour.
I did some praying and asked for help/guidance/mercy… whatever could be provided.
An hour or so later, the overwhelming thought came over me “I need to love myself”. It was like a lightning flash, flash flood, and an earthquake all at the same time. Nothing else mattered, every other concern dropped away.
And then the miracle happened- I cut myself an extra large slice of carrot cake that had magically arrived on my kitchen counter from a housemate’s mom’s friend’s birthday party. I found my favorite book. I scratched my dog’s belly for a few minutes, and told him how much I loved him as I let the hot water fill the bathtub.
Heaven on Earth: Eating carrot cake in a hot bathtub, happy dog lying nearby on my dirty clothes, and reading my favorite book. I didn’t need anything else; all was well in my world. I fell into bed 2 hours later, after giving my dog yet more hugs and scratches and kisses and thanked him for being such a sweet being in my life. Then I thanked the Divine for allowing me to love myself and stop looking for outside reassurance and love.