I was fired by my Reiki energy healer. Really. After several years together, through lots of ups and downs, she told me she couldn’t help me anymore and that I needed to move on. I was devastated. She would no longer see me. I was that messed up!
reiki (ˈreɪkɪ) — n
a form of therapy in which the practitioner is believed to channel energy into the patient in order to encourage healing or restore wellbeing [Japanese, from rei universal + ki life force]
-World English Dictionary
I was really a mess… My completely devastated heart had been shattered over a period of 5 months while a relationship ground itself into the dirt of dead romance. Mary told me she could be no help to me. I was too far gone. Too far gone.
I can only tell you this because I lived through it all. You are thinking I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and 2 weeks later, felt really fine.
That isn’t the case- I started acupuncture weekly, cut out caffeine (but still took out my frustration on other people occasionally), drank green tea, started running a lot more, called my friend Liz in Texas on a weekly if not daily basis, asked random people to pray for me, prayed for myself seemingly all the time, ate chocolate on an hourly basis at work, talked incessantly to Delia at work, and generally obsessed about my negative energy and lack of healing. I asked God a LOT to bring us back together, to heal me, to heal my heart, to fix the pain. I journaled. I was obsessively trying everything I could find: meditation, pendulums, church, single moms groups, candles, tarot cards, and of course prayer became a streaming communication, a running
dialogue monologue at God. I read self-help books and wrote out intentions and put (more) post-it notes all over the house.
I have no idea what actions I took worked or didn’t- All I know is that eventually, after time, the pain (that had become so big it engulfed my entire body) started to walk away with little baby steps. Gratitude etched little cracks in my resentment. Prayer gave me several soothing moments linked together. Christian rock radio sang hope in my monkey brain. Liz (my oldest best friend) kept on loving me too, even though I was clearly a deranged basket case of the extremely tightly woven type.
Then, time. In (God’s) time, I realized how lucky I am that relationship ended and even how rich my life is without a partner pursuing me. My life is perfect today with my 2 kids and our 3-legged, very stable table. God has a plan for me, and it is not with that guy. It really is an awesome plan, and I am relieved it doesn’t include him now. I get to learn more about me for awhile, to read good books in bed with cookies late into the night on Fridays, and to cherish these short teenager years with my kids. I look for the pain-spot every now and then, and I can’t find it.
Mary the Reiki healer and I are back together again. But now I take classes from her to learn to channel the positive energy, asking God’s will to help it along and put me and the energy where He wants it.
This is my favorite Valentine’s day in a long time. I am finally feeling content and love for my life and my 3-legged table, living the best life, the most important path, God’s path, for me. I am not living the timeline I imagined in my youth of what life is supposed to look like.
This is the best life now, and it is ok that I don’t feel like sharing it with someone for a while. Later I will, but not today. And today is all that matters, because we need to just Live One Day at a Time.