I was such a mess, I got fired by my Reiki energy healer

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I was fired by my Reiki energy healer. Really. After several years together, through lots of ups and downs, she told me she couldn’t help me anymore and that I needed to move on. I was devastated. She would no longer see me. I was that messed up!

reiki (ˈreɪkɪ) — n
a form of therapy in which the practitioner is believed to channel energy into the patient in order to encourage healing or restore wellbeing [Japanese, from rei universal + ki life force]
-World English Dictionary

I was really a mess… My completely devastated heart had been shattered over a period of 5 months while a relationship ground itself into the dirt of dead romance. Mary told me she could be no help to me. I was too far gone. Too far gone.

I can only tell you this because I lived through it all. You are thinking I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and 2 weeks later, felt really fine.

That isn’t the case- I started acupuncture weekly, cut out caffeine (but still took out my frustration on other people occasionally), drank green tea, started running a lot more, called my friend Liz in Texas on a weekly if not daily basis, asked random people to pray for me, prayed for myself seemingly all the time, ate chocolate on an hourly basis at work, talked incessantly to Delia at work, and generally obsessed about my negative energy and lack of healing. I asked God a LOT to bring us back together, to heal me, to heal my heart, to fix the pain. I journaled. I was obsessively trying everything I could find: meditation, pendulums, church, single moms groups, candles, tarot cards, and of course prayer became a streaming communication, a running dialogue monologue at God. I read self-help books and wrote out intentions and put (more) post-it notes all over the house.

I have no idea what actions I took worked or didn’t- All I know is that eventually, after time, the pain (that had become so big it engulfed my entire body) started to walk away with little baby steps. Gratitude etched little cracks in my resentment. Prayer gave me several soothing moments linked together. Christian rock radio sang hope in my monkey brain. Liz (my oldest best friend) kept on loving me too, even though I was clearly a deranged basket case of the extremely tightly woven type.

Then, time. In (God’s) time, I realized how lucky I am that relationship ended and even how rich my life is without a partner pursuing me. My life is perfect today with my 2 kids and our 3-legged, very stable table. God has a plan for me, and it is not with that guy. It really is an awesome plan, and I am relieved it doesn’t include him now. I get to learn more about me for awhile, to read good books in bed with cookies late into the night on Fridays, and to cherish these short teenager years with my kids. I look for the pain-spot every now and then, and I can’t find it.

Mary the Reiki healer and I are back together again. But now I take classes from her to learn to channel the positive energy, asking God’s will to help it along and put me and the energy where He wants it.

This is my favorite Valentine’s day in a long time. I am finally feeling content and love for my life and my 3-legged table, living the best life, the most important path, God’s path, for me. I am not living the timeline I imagined in my youth of what life is supposed to look like.

This is the best life now, and it is ok that I don’t feel like sharing it with someone for a while. Later I will, but not today. And today is all that matters, because we need to just Live One Day at a Time.


  1. Hi Alexonthefly-
    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience. It is funny that we can put phrases in google now and get matches!

    Yep, I am pretty skilled at those monologues at God, LOL. I think you made the right decision about seeing someone new. I think we all have different specialties, and the shaman helped fill in gaps, and the energy healer might need more time to be an expert with your particular blocks. AND- I think it is true, they can be a little hurt and annoyed when we aren’t “properly healing”. I have my Reiki certificaiton, and it is SUCH a thrill when I can help others, I could see getting attached to the outcome of always being a miracle worker, ya know?

    Good luck finding another healer. I think there are so many types out there, and so many choices. Once we put it out to the Universe and God that we want to heal, someone really awesome shows up that is just what we need.

  2. ha ha, love your “MONOLOGUE with God”!!

    I read this post because I googled “i got fired by my healer” to see if anyone else had had the same experience, and your blog popped up. My healer got increasingly frustrated by my inability to do his homework assignments (although I always tried to some extent) and my tendency to visit other shamans in between our sessions (i only saw him monthly so I didn’t think he’d take offense to this). Finally, he became patronizing and controlling (about how I should abide by his instructions to a T as in “it’s my way or the highway”). The more he turned into my father, the more I acted like a testy 15 year old and then he refused to see me again! The irony is HE IS A HEALER, isn’t he suppose to help me heal what is keeping me stuck??? Isn’t he suppose to see through my acting out? I read his emails to a friend and she thought he was being manipulative and unprofessional. Basically, i wasn’t a model pupil and he was frustrated by my tendency to self-sabotage. Ya, so HELP ME HEAL IT!!! In the end, I decided his tool box wasn’t very big and he needs another decade of experience under his belt before he will be able to have patience with people who are in my shoes.

    1. Hi Melissa-
      Thanks so much for your note, I am glad that you can relate to what I write about “single mommmying”. I was initially drawn to blogging as a way to let other moms like us know we aren’t alone in the crazy stuff that happens and that we think about. I want to encourage us and provide a community where we can keep laughing while we grow in faith too that all is well and will be well. You encourage me too- I started going to spinning classes after reading that you are training for a triathlon! You go, girl!!

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