I cancelled. I just couldn’t get my brain around it. The idea of a blind date is too pathetic, too needy, too awkward. I know that you, my faithful readers, have told me that love is everything, and all the important things in the world are better experienced in the context of a loving relationship. You really wanted me to go on it, even just to hear the awful story of how I fell off my shoes, got lost on the way, drank too much, and kissed his ear accidentally. And I would have enjoyed writing about that! But… I still didn’t want to do it.
I am finally in a good place with me. The Current Crush has (for the most part) left my peripheral vision, and become the Previous Crush. I am not angling to see him and communicate with him. My hopes were dashed, but perhaps I can rest in the concept that there is a better partner out there for me, and he will arrive with perfect timing.
I am living in the present, able to be there with my daughter in body and heart when she came down with strep throat yesterday, available emotionally to talk over my son’s social life and laugh with him about the practical jokes he played on his friend this morning, and ready to make some serious new career goals- working 40+ hours a week is just too much drudgery when combined with all the parenting responsibilities and attention I need and want to pay to my teenagers.
I think it is possible to work less and make more money. I am going to find a way to do that in the next few months.
There is no better place to be than here and now. No more regrets, and no more fear of the future. We are loved right here and right now, just enough.