My previous crush didn’t seek me out very much, for whatever reason. We had a great time giving each other support, encouragement and laughs whenever we talked and shared time, but he doesn’t make himself available for it very often. My MO has always been to wrangle them in, try to convince them that they really cannot live without me, and basically to go after what I want (like most women in my generation who have been trained to do so withour careers). I decided to step out of my comfort zone this time: I stopped the grabbing for attention and tried to be thankful that I figured it out in time that he really is not in the right place for sharing with me. Otherwise, he would be!
The wise advice given to me by my good friend Mary was “Let myself be loved. And let myself know what it feels like for men to come to me for my time, love, and attention. Stop trying to capture love. In the meantime, give myself love, time, and attention.”
So I am answering the old emails and phone calls from people asking for time even though they are not Romeo*. And I am enjoying it! Ha! I think I can train my heart to give and receive love and attention, not question it or judge it, and just enjoy it. Let that energy flourish and see who else pops up. Essentially, I am enjoying the blessings of today and trusting that the right guy will show up, but I need some practice giving and receiving love in the meantime.
*Not Romeo: I have a 70-year old widowed man (a previous employer), 2 long distance married ex-boyfriends, 2 long-distance married men (just old friends), 2 girlfriends from college, 1 new neighbor woman friend, and 1 acquaintence from junior high. No one of relationship material is knocking, and I told you 2 days ago that I am not quite ready for one anyway… I am really enjoying these new/old connections and letting myself just relax and enjoy what is here.
I think we all need to practice giving and receiving this love, support, and encouragement, from wherever and to whomever comes in for it. We cannot force it on anyone, but offering it to the Universe helps us to open our hearts for the next person.