“It’s only money, Honey”. And then he would smile soooo sweetly and shrug his shoulders as he handed over his credit card to the cashier. I want to understand that idea- that money really doesn’t matter all that much; that it is “only energy”; that what comes around goes around. I want to live, breathe, and mostly just believe that concept. I want to “stop worrying about money”. I thought I could if I just gave in to his spending and enjoyed it. That is what he kept saying I should do. It doesn’t seem all that tough, does it? Who wouldn’t like to just give in to the energy; relax; let it flow (and be showered with gifts)?!
But, my life is too taken up by the dollar bill and what it represents: a surprise visit to Ben and Jerry’s, new shoes for those dang feet that grow so fast; another monthly orthodontist payment; a pretty sweater for her party Friday night, another hour at work instead of with my kids on the rope swing; gas for the car drives all over town. I draw star shapes as I pick up one from wrestling practice, deliver the other to the other side of town for art class, drive home to pick up the forgotten swim suit, stop to pick up the groceries, pick her up from art, drop her off at swimming, find dinner for him, then pick her up. You know that routine; you live it too. There is a different star shape on your city map for each day of the week, depending on the list of activities.
The man in the first paragraph was my boyfriend. He bought me shoes, shirts, snowboard boots, long underwear sets, Victoria’s Secret sets, sweaters, dinners, chocolate, flowers, jewelry; basically all a woman wants. Wow was I ever wooed! I really wanted to evolve into that mind set. I was so ready to leave those petty money issues I had behind. Who wants to worry about gas in the car? Shoes for the kids? Covering the rent check? “Just think of it as positive energy and it will all work out”. Wow had he ever surpassed me, I thought. I couldn’t wait to arrive where he was with his “flowing money energy” and relax into that philosophy.
But, as I look back, I realize a few VERY important things that had slipped my mind back then (as they often do when being sent flowers and chocolates on a monthly basis). He had not really reached peace with his money; he had reached a far different place… It was Nirvana all right; he was completely out of reality.This man worked his dad’s business. He didn’t have a car payment, a house payment, a need to buy his own gas, or have a student loan to pay off. His sister and mom dropped off groceries (and put them in his refrigerator) and took him to expensive dinners every Friday night.
And you know how things ended. “Only money” pulled us apart. A disagreement over $250 festered in a wound that caused stubbornness on his part and anger on mine. We went to our corners it took us down. (Thank you God)
So be careful. Money is loaded with energy… and intention, motivation, and manipulation.
My answer is to have my own, spend my own, make my own, save my own, and keep track of my own money. I use http://www.Mint.com to help me track it and inspire me to save up for the shoes and underwear myself. AND- I still pray a lot about money, ask for God to help me manage it responsibly, and help me to be less stressed/obsessed about it. The reality is, it is just very hard to do that. I will keep trying to “let it flow” while paying my bills.
The Maori culture included using whale teeth as currency. One tooth was worth an entire canoe. I am sure couples back then were torn apart by a tooth or 2 occasionally*. Yes, we could work to stop “worrying about money”. But it is time we learn how to kill our own whales too.
*Don’t you wonder what those arguments looked like? Did they throw teeth at each other?