Gold Star-flakes for the Goldfish

What is up with this need I have for Gold Stars? Validation, I know. I think raising teenagers alone makes it extra hard to keep the faith that our work will eventually pay off. Those sweet loving hugs are fewer and further between the shrugs, eye rolls, and messy bedroom challenges. I am in a bind: I want gold stars. My kids don’t give them, even though I work really hard at raising them. It isn’t appropriate for me to look to them for validation anyway (they are children, I am the adult…).

My boss really doesn’t have time to feed me gold stars in the quantity I want them either (imagine a goldfish with brown eyes and long hair opening her mouth really wide at the top of the tank, looking for freeze-dried compliment flakes, and you get a picture of my neediness some days). My boss pays me money to do my job. Gold star-flake feedings are not part of the contract.

My neighbors are extremely sweet, but not heavy on the gold stars ; especially not this month. I still have not taken down the Christmas lights (March 1, I promised myself. They will be all rolled up in the basement by that day).

Friends are heavy with the stars; I readily admit that- I get them on a regular basis from Delia, Liz, Brad, Sara, Fred, Gabrielle, Mark…and I thoroughly appreciate them. Words of affirmation (WOA) is my love language. But it is not enough, is it? Goldfish-gaping-mouth-girl needs a constant feed, not occasional.

Humph. It is a gaping-mouth hole in my heart that humans cannot fill after all.
I’m going to 1) Give lots of gold stars away today, and try to remember that what I want is probably what others would appreciate too; and 2) Buy myself a huge gold star to put on my wall. I will imagine it is from God and he is saying “Good job, Anne. You are doing a great job with the responsibilities I have given you”. Really, isn’t that who my boss is anyway? Isn’t that who I want to please most of all? Isn’t it most important that I do God’s work well and please Him?

And I know I am. I got that message so loud and clear today during spinning class that I started crying during a hill climb after I meekly asked God “Am I doing ok with your work?” Luckily it was a dark room and I was out of breath already.

You try it, ask God if you are doing well enough. You will like the answer. Then keep on climbing. You can do it.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
– Philippians 4:13

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