It has truly been the best thing I have done all summer- and I have done lots of amazing things this summer (blew off a stupid depressed guy I had a crush on, ran a race along a mountain top, journeyed to the top of the highest building in North America with my children, hugged my mom, reconnected with my sister, etc.).
That simple act of forcing myself to reach out instead of looking inward (and often caving in on myself and my fears) has taught me to actually open my heart to loving, really loving, connecting, sharing, and enjoying whatever they have to offer. I have found so much joy and contentedness right here where I am, with my sweet, fun, and funny girlfriends, my old Grandpa-guy friend, a sweet Grandma colleague (who I think has now made it her mission to hug me weekly), and also, yes, new surprising attention from men (that I can usually take or leave because my sense of self no longer depends on that attention to get out of bed in the morning).
I am in the enjoying/joyful phase of all this, feeling like my reaching out of my shell has enabled me to give love, support and encouragement to others like never before. And- I am getting ALL THAT LOVE back! And more! It has become a lovefest! It has improved all of my relationships, my mothering too- I am able to calmly give my kids so much more now that I don’t feel like love is in short supply.
Today, I am going to a party. Attractive men will be there… One man with whom I have felt waves of interest going back and forth… It could be the test of all of my training… Will I be able to stay in that content, self-confident, giving and receiving place? Or will I get shy and cave inward in fear?
I choose to think optimistically. I am going to give support, love and encouragement to others without worry about what is returned. My focus will be laughter and giving (and as Surrey Gal would say “Try not to get smashed”). http://surreygal.wordpress.com