Part 1: I have three siblings, all grown adults, mind you! To cut to the chase, my brothers don’t seem to like to spend time together. We haven’t had a big ‘ole family Christmas in decades, no family get together for any meal for a decade. They don’t organize time to get together, never at my parents at the same time, and are not responsive when I suggest it… We just aren’t close- never were I guess. I need to accept it and get over it.
My older brother Jon lives in Chicago. He seemed to always be irritated with the rest of us. Growing up, he rarely played with us and always acted like he was better than his siblings- smarter, more evolved. He made fun of me for not knowing what sex was when I was 7. He spends loads of time with his wife’s family, tiling kitchens and bathrooms, never misses a birthday. He came by my house last year for dinner, but he could only stay an hour.
My younger brother Tom lives overseas; not just a quick year or 2 abroad. For over 25 years he has been a Hong Kong resident. Even my parents don’t see him much, and they see less of his kids. He seems to just have no use for sibling time. I think he actively shelters his kids (a ballerina, a tennis ace, and a 3rd one who has not yet found her specialty) from mine as if my two will infect his with mediocrity.
My sister Molly is an over-grown teenager- unmarried and no kids and pretty self-focused. Life only goes on her schedule and her pace. This makes it difficult to make or carryout plans with her without constantly wondering where she is and when she will show up. She doesn’t know how to apologize, either.
The funny thing is that I miss them. After writing the above paragraphs, I texted Jon and had a very nice short text exchange- our 1st in a year! Then I emailed Tom and told him I missed him. Lastly, I emailed Molly and asked how her fall is going. Apparently I still need them.
Part 2: Update after 24 hours. Got a reply from brother Tom that we have grown apart, have different life philosophies, and he can be cordial, but has no interest in anything more bc so much time has passed. Ouch… as my friend Delia says, not everyone is going to like me, so get over it. Time to growup myself and let it go.
Challenge #2: Accept the pain and sadness of loss and rejection in life. It is part of life. It is ok to bless it as a human experience and move on.