Anger Squared Part 2

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I woke up feeling alarmingly pathetic today. It really didn’t feel good. I was even whining during my morning prayer (“God, could you PLEASE just send me my partner, NOW. I am tired of this growth phase BS”).

I decided it was the ashes of the anger and resentment I have been working on letting go. Naming it differently didn’t change the self-pity all that much though.

I decided to (or, I got the urgent message to) get out of my own head, and away from me-me-me by praying for others, because after all, I live in a developed nation, have health care, and a few dollar bills (very few, but still a few) in my pocket. I am better off than most of the people in the world (like 95%??!? Someone out there knows that number). Yes, I have things to complain about- my mom has no clue how hard I work and makes comments about my life that grate on my spine, my CC is not catching on to the communication thing, my teenagers STILL leaves plates and cups all over the house, I have 2 gfs now with more than their share of boyfriends, and the ants in my bathroom keep on coming… But I don’t want to be there. I want to be enjoying life and the green grass and trees rather than complaining about the rain.

So I decided to spread my love, energy, and prayers to everyone I can think of today. I prayed for my mom*, my ex-husbands, my teenagers, my gf with too many boyfriends, the CC, and everyone else I could think of, all morning long. It only took about 10 minutes for my attitude to change. By the time I got to work I was smiling at everyone, understanding why my son was late to breakfast, opening doors for people, and practically singing. The admin lady even smiled at me when I walked in.

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If we are going to stay in our content places, which for me, is that grateful place, where I feel powerfully kind and loving, not pathetic and whiney,we need to work at it. It won’t magically arrive. We need to leave the poor-pitiful-me behind; shell out the prayers and gifts to others.

* I had to laugh at myself, because I had not thought of praying for my mom in quite a while. And yet I complain about my children not being thoughtful of others (aka, me). Ha!

3 comments

  1. Does it really help??? I haven’t prayed for others for years.. in fact I haven’t really prayed for a very long time… even though I go to the church… how strange…

    I’m glad you got rid of the ashes of anger and bad feelings and smiled!! 🙂

    1. Well, sometimes it feels like a joke… When I start feeling sorry for myself for working over the weekend today, I have been quickly trying to realign my brain off of me and onto others. It is kind of like the rubber band snap on your wrist. So when I start falling into the sad quicksand, I say to myself “Oh! no, no feeling sorry for yourself, remember, you have health care, and a job! Think of those starving children in India/AIDS orphans in Africa/sad degenerates in prison!”.

      I don’t know if it is a long-term solution to self-obsession. I tend to just get pissed anyway sometimes! : )

      But prayer is important to me. I like it; it is comforting. Not many people will listen to the ramblings that I can get on, but my dog Max and God are forced to, I guess.

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